Jumping off the high dive.

Wow...It has been 20 days since my last post! I thought I was getting waaaaayy better at this. Where did February go? And while your trying to figure that one out...where did the last year go? Or the last FIVE for that matter?! I'm starting to realize that it's true...time does speed up the older we get.

As March begins and yet another birthday approaches, I've started to look inward again. I'm really seeing a pattern...I really do this every year. Where was I last year at this time? What was I doing? What have I done to better myself? my craft? my life? Am I happier? stronger? I know you ask these questions too...maybe it's year round, or January 1st, or (like me) around your birthday...but I sure, or at least I hope I'm not alone. Overall, I can honestly say, I am happier...especially compared to that creative dry spell I wrote about this time last year. We moved into a new place about a year ago, Erik and I have tried new things (like outdoorsy things!), and we have some fun and exciting plans for the future. It is a fun time in our lives and I'm looking forward to the next year...my last year as a twenty-something. It has to be good, right?!

While looking back over this past year, I'm finding there is still one thing that I need to work on. It is the one hurdle that I just can't seem to muster up the courage to jump...I need to focus more energy on making this handmade business happen. It's something that I've dreamed about and chased around for years. I've sold  things through Etsy to family, friends, and a few people I don't know but I know it can be more. I know it can be something. I know I need to do this to feel complete. Yep, I mean in a Jerry McGuire "You complete me" sort of way. I need to catch up with this creative, blown up dream and grab onto it before it's out of reach.

But it's soooo intimidating.

I know there's something in your life too...that thing that you have always wanted to do, that thing you have always wanted to learn, that place you've always wanted to visit or move to, that career you've always envisioned or that non-profit you've always wanted to start. It's that thing that you know, deep deep deep in your heart, that would make your life whole, happy, complete. I'm not talking Roomba Vacuums or a healthy chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, people...I'm talking about your passion.

So now that I have you thinking about that passion of yours...are you following it? are you living it? If you are...you are my personal HERO. But I'm sure most of you are like me...you work hard during the day, you're tired at night, you have a laundry list (and laundry for that matter) of things to do in the evenings and on days off. If and when you have time to find and follow that distant dream, it feels so far away. Sometimes, so far away that you can't see it...maybe you forgot what it even looks like! It seems like a lot of effort, a lot of sacrifice, a lot of work to catch up to it and actually make it happen...and what if it doesn't work out? What if you fail?!

I've heard that 'C' students are most likely to become successful entrepreneurs because they are comfortable with taking risks. I always thought I was a risk taker...I take that back- I liked the idea of being a risk taker. I've tried to be that person...but eventually my stereotypical first born personality traits kick in. I need a plan, I need structure, I need to know that I will succeed, and most importantly, I need to know I will be the best...to put it plainly- I was an 'A' student. I'm pretty sure there was a moment(s) in my middle school and high school career when I cried because I got a 'B', let alone a 'C'.

I guess, busy schedules, fear of failing and fear of the unknown aside...we have to just do it. It may take some time, it may take that last little bit of energy we have left in the evenings...but we have to just make it happen even if it's scary and intimidating. It might be easier for some of us than others but as my wonderful friend Betsy told me, "You survived the high dive even though it took you 45 minutes to jump off."

And with this...I leave you with a pep talk from Kid President.

To Be Continued.....

To anyone who has ever felt insecure...

I know there have been many before me write about this, and I know I will not be the last one. For tonight at least, I want you to listen to what I'm going to say from up here on my soap box. 

Recently, I've heard a lot of negativity...not gossip or world news...its been in the form of personal insecurities. I'm sure it is always around me but for some reason I've honed into it as of lately. I've heard everything from nonchalant comments about being too fat and needing to workout, to people depriving themselves that last cookie because they want to be 'good', all the way to a wonderful young mother feeling completely down and disappointed with herself. 

Why do we think and talk so badly about ourselves? Whether it is regarding appearance, ability, personality...why do we so harshly judge ourselves? I do it...my friends, family, and co-workers do it...but are we all that insecure? I'm trying to source this trend of self-deprecation...and when I find it, I'm going to kick it in the shins and tell it to leave my friends and family alone!!

I can always blame society...(man that society is blamed for everything, huh?). With tv specials like the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show where woman who are bone thin but somehow can still fill a DD bra, flaunt their flawless, un-photoshop'd bodies. And for the record, you are crazy, Adriana Lima..really 8 weeks after you gave birth you looked like THAT? How are real woman supposed to compete with people like you? I'm not a mom yet, but I can't imagine the pressure this puts on REAL woman, who don't have trainers and nannies, and endless hours a day to spend at the gym. I know...it's her job..yadda yadda yadda...and still, like many other woman out there, I own a few swimsuits, pjs, bras, and undies from VS. I totally buy into it...

Another place that may bring on bad mouthing ourselves? Fashion magazines...Don't get me wrong, I LOVE them. I love the ads, the articles, the color and photography...the excitement I get when I see that extra large September issue of Vogue crammed into my tiny apartment mailbox...But all you need to do is flip through one to look at the unnaturally thin models and the expensive 'must haves' of the season. If I really owned all of the 'must haves' of the season, I wouldn't be able to afford the other, more common, 'must haves' in life...like food and shelter. But I subscribe to it...I like seeing whats new and trending. 

We also have shows like Fashion Police (which I love...) that might be fun to watch after an awards show to see the pretty dresses but it also tears apart people who don't have the same fashion taste or sense that the hosts have. But I buy into it!!! "Oh yes, I agree with you Joan Rivers, that dress was a tragic mistake..." 

And then I catch myself...I'm judging others. So obviously, they are judging me, right?  

Odds are, they are too busy judging themselves and worrying what you think of them to worry about you...if that makes sense.

As I'm writing this, I'm realizing that the magazines and tv shows are not going away. Honestly, I like my magazines and don't want them to go away...They are not going to change, at least for a long time so we need to change how we take in what they are throwing at us. 

Maybe the solution to our insecurity problem is to separate our own personal feelings from what is being projected onto us. We should all stop comparing ourselves to the Kate Moss' and Heidi Klum's out there and focus on what is good for us personally...we should live up to our own personal standards and meet our own personal goals. Maybe we can all learn to be content with who we are in our own skin. As long as we are active and healthy...does it matter if we can fit into those size 4, 8, or 12 jeans? We need to learn to be ok with ourselves, love ourselves, how we are today...not how we think we will feel if we buy that expensive bag or brand name pair of shoes or if we lost 20 lbs or had rock solid Daniel Craig abs.

Life is too short to let all of these insecurities stunt our happiness. When you are taking your last breath...are you really going to be thinking 'Man, if I could have only lost those last 10 lbs and bought those Jimmy Choo's, my life would have been perfect.' 

I doubt it.